Healing the Feminine Spirit: From Survival to Softness

"It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house." -Proverbs 21:9

I never thought I'd find a love like this. One that made me laugh until I cried, paint memories under the stars, and feel safe enough to be soft. But I didn't find it by accident- I found it because I healed.

There was a time when I lived in survival mode. My voice was sharp, my heart guarded, my presence anxious and controlling. Not because I was afraid. That was my wounded feminine. And until I healed her, I kept attracting what broke me.

Now, women reach out to me asking: "How did you meet someone like him?"

Ant the truth is: I couldn't meet a man like him until I became a woman who could be loved by him.

Not perfectly. Not performatively. But in my healed feminine spirit.

I had been through so many abusive relationships, that it lingered over me, "I am the common denominator".

Before I Could Heal Her.... I Had to Face Him: Life with The Creature

They don't always show up with claws and fangs. Sometimes the most dangerous men come smiling, saying all the right things. That's how the creature came into my life- charming, wounded, "misunderstood". I thought I could love him into healing. Instead, he slowly unmade me.

He didn't hit me. He didn't scream. But his silence cut deeper than any slap. Days-sometimes weeks-would go by and he would ignore me completely. No warmth. No validation. No affection. Just cold absence in the middle of a home I was trying so hard to build.

And then, out of no where.... a text, a gift, a sweet word like "baby" or "I miss you." That was the Love Bomb. - Just enough to pull me back in before the cycle started again.

But worse than the silence was the blame.

Everything was my fault:

• If he was distant, it was because I was too needy

• If he lied, it was because I was too emotional to handle it the truth

• If I was hurt, it was because I was too sensitive.

And for nearly ten years, I believed it.

He gaslighted me until I questioned my own memory, emotion, reality.

I was scapegoated as the brawling woman in the wide house the Bible speaks of - not because I wanted to be... but because I was desperate for truth.

I tried to be in my feminine spirit with him. I softened. I submitted. I prayed. But you cannot be soft with a man who weaponizes your softness.

The wounded feminine:

• Distrusts everything-especially men

• Controls or competes-tries to "Protect" through domination

• Feels unworthy- but masks it with performance or aggression

• Victim mentality- Whoa is me

• Over communicates- she feels unheard but what is really going on is she is over explaining herself and doesn't know how to get to the root of her needs

• Uses emotion to manipulate- Our of fear of being unseen or unheard

• Craves safety- but doesn't know how to receive it or anything else for that matter

Healed Feminine:

• Feels safe in softness- not because of a man, but because of being aligned in her natural self

• Receives love without control

• Leads with warmth, not fear

• Is deeply intuitive and wise- and trusts that

• Attracts masculine strength, not boys who want mothers

• Can activate his masculine -by proxy not by manipulation

Now I get to live my life aligned with God's purpose. And I saw it so much more clearly after I had allowed my self to grieve and heal and let God restore.

People closest to me ask me about their marriages and I see where the pitfall lies. I used to be just like that too.

Call it what you want, but the wounded feminine spirit shows up all over the place. In a world where men are under the microscope for their "Underperformance" there are women all over the place (believe me because I am out working with women in their masculine spirit) This unalignment is showing up in birth. In labor patterns. In distrust of natural processes because they didn't think they needed any more healing.

Story book love does exist. It exists with the right person. Healed and healed. Not wounded feminine and a wounded masculine.

I feel sad for the women who contact me for more information on the healing of feminine spirit. They share with me stories where they resent their spouses even though they know they are good men. They explain to me the heartbreaking outbursts and violent behavior they pass to their husbands because they are misaligned.

It's painful, when I hear " He is a great husband, and he puts up with so much of my bad side. How do you do it?"

I had to take radical accountability for how misaligned my spirit was and asked God to show me the way to heal.

If you would like step by step guidance on where to heal your feminine spirit, join me for weekly, every Thursday TikTok lives about healing the feminine spirit. @sarahbutlerofficial